Yesterday, the Superhero Name Generator dubbed me The Illustrious Crusader! Many of you shared your names in the comment section which provided a steady stream of chuckles. Thank you!
I don’t want to seem ungrateful here. I like my Superhero name! I really do! It’s flattering and so much better than the names Carolyn and Christy Jo were given: The Amphibious Albino and The Radioactive Squirrel. Heh. Heh. Heh.
But when I found Marvel Comics’ Create Your Own Superhero, I knew right then and there that I had to undergo a name change. I dubbed myself Shark Girl.
Coming off of my Shark Week 2011 high, I am on a crusade (See! I’m still a crusader!) to defend and protect marine creatures around the world!
My first mission: Free Shamu!
Shamu, you do not deserve to be locked up in a prison/marine park for children’s entertainment. (They tell us it’s for science, but this is just an excuse to line marine park owners’ pockets. With the marvels of modern technology, children will learn much more about you and science through a documentary. Ditto for zoos.)
Shamu, you deserve to live out your birthright and swim in the open ocean. I am coming.
Shark Week 2011 News Flash: THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A DOCUMENTED KILLER WHALE ATTACK ON A HUMAN IN THE WILD. And we all know what has happened at marine parks.
Dolphins, Belugas, et al, I am coming for you as well.
I apologize for the ways you have been mistreated. People are going to argue with my use of the word “mistreated”. You look like you’re always smiling! You eat lots of yummy fish! You receive the best veterinary care! Your trainers love you! Audiences think you are WONDERFUL! They LOVE you, too!
They simply haven’t stopped and thought about the ramifications of your confinement.
But they’re going to take a moment today and imagine themselves confined to a bathtub for an entire year. They will then join our crusade!
There is strength in education! There is strength in numbers!
Out in the open waters…
Whalers, take note. Notice that groovy bow that I’m sporting? You even think about harpooning a whale, and you’re going to get harpooned, pal. Greenpeace and Whale Wars have to play nice. I don’t. Superheroes can get away with that kind of stuff without jail time.
All other Creatures of the Sea, hang tight. We’re coming around! Education truly is a freeing force. Organizations, scientists, educators, filmmakers, and responsible television networks around the world are the real superheroes. Truth and justice will prevail!
Who’s teaming up with Shark Girl?
Or…What is YOUR crusade?
You can create your own Superhero here: http://marvel.com/games/play/31/create_your_own_superhero.